It's like the only time I come on here is when something is wrong with me, and I'm not sure why. All I know is that my heart is aching worse than it ever has before. I can't breathe. I don't understand why love does this to us. I put on this facade on a daily basis that I don't need anyone. I'm paying for my own car, my own bills, my own debt. I'm paying for my own one bedroom apartment in Northwest Austin. I have a steady job. I'm my own person. But yet, he has the control over me to make me feel like dying.

I don't know what you want me to do. I don't know how he wants me to react. I don't know anything.

I want to give him the space that he so wants. Even though I've seen him maybe three times since I've been in Austin. But on the other hand, I want to hold him and shake him and find out what the fuck is going through this mind. What the fuck is going through your mind, Matt? This whole time, I thought that maybe he was just a rebound. He's sweet and we have a lot of things in common - but just enough. And I thought, what if there's someone better? He's good for right now. But all of a sudden, he needs time. He really cares about me, but he has commitment issues. What does that mean? He doesn't want me to go away. But what do I do?

I woke up this morning, refreshed. And then everything came rushing back to me. Everything he said. What he didn't say. What I didn't say. And I don't know what to think anymore.

If he was just my Mr. Right Now, why is my heart breaking so badly? Why can I not breathe?